According to a survey, only 14% of couples sleep in separate beds every night. And while many of us might believe in the saying “couples who sleep apart grow apart” there are studies that show the opposite is actually true.
We at Bright Side believe that there are no wrong or right sleep arrangements, because to some, sleeping in different beds can be as pleasing as for others sharing a bed with their partner.
A poor night’s sleep can turn lovers into fighters.
According to research, sharing a bed with a partner that has restless sleep behavior can deprive you of 49 minutes of sleep each night. And, when one partner doesn’t get a proper night’s sleep because of the other, it will most likely result in a conflict between them the next day.
Actually, the study even confirmed that couples who tend to have a poor night’s sleep have more severe and more frequent fights than those who wake up well-rested. People who get a good night’s sleep, on the other hand, are more likely to be in a good mood, have lower stress levels, and be more patient.
Resenting your partner because you can’t get a good night’s sleep can be destructive to the relationship.
Snoring, fidgeting, and bed or blanket hogging are just a few of many reasons why some couples choose to sleep in different beds or even in different bedrooms. Lying awake listening to your partner snoring while you beat yourself up to fall asleep can lead to a build-up of anger, tension, and resentment toward your partner.
According to Jennifer Adams, author of Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart, sleeping in a separate bedroom can even help a relationship thrive because both partners are not sleep deprived.
Each partner can tailor their sleeping conditions to their heart’s content.
Tina Cooper, a licensed social worker, sleeps in different bedrooms with her partner because of their opposite sleeping habits. “I’m a night owl, he’s an early bird. I need soothing sounds to fall asleep, and he likes silence. He likes a hard mattress, and I like soft and full of pillows. And because I don’t like the early day’s sunlight, my boyfriend gave me the master bedroom which gets less light and he has the second largest room that gets the sunrise he loves.”
How you spend the nighttime in your shared bedroom with your partner can also influence your daytime functioning, marital satisfaction, and psychological and physical health. And when 2 people with different bedtime preferences and nighttime schedules end up together, changing themselves just to please their partner’s needs might harm their relationship in the long run.
Sleeping in different bedrooms with your partner means that the 2 of you will have a place just for yourselves where you can relax after an exhausting day. This way, both of you can satisfy your needs without tiptoeing around and worrying about whether your partner might wake up because you want to watch the latest episode of your show before bed.
Even if you don’t remember waking up, disturbed sleep can have a negative impact on your overall health.
During the night, our brain cycles through the stages of sleep several times: light sleep, deep sleep, and REM (Rapid eye movement sleep). But when you interrupt the cycle by waking up during the night, it means that your brain spends more time in the light sleep stage and misses out on REM. And without sufficient REM your emotional well-being and cognitive performance suffer.
Interrupted sleep can also have short and long-term health consequences, like hypertension, weight-related issues, mental health problems, reduced quality of life, and other health-related issues.
People on Reddit share why they decided to sleep separately with their partner.
- “Because a good night’s sleep is more romantic than sharing a bed. I snore and toss and turn. He gives off literal village levels of heat in his sleep and I can’t stand the heat. I read, he can’t stand light. We keep different hours to an extent. A million reasons. We get along so much better this way.” — crankyweasels
- “My partner and I have completely separate bedrooms. We ’sleepover’ occasionally in each other’s rooms. However, we both sleep exponentially better apart. He’s a night owl and I’m an early bird. He wants only one sheet on him, I want 10 lbs of blankets. In addition, having a separate room allows me to decorate it however I want, have my own personal space, and keep it to the level of cleanliness I prefer. People look at us sideways when I mention the separate rooms thing, but it’s been a game-changer.” — eriasana
- “Different sleep cycles due to different work schedules. We are still madly in love and we both agreed to this because it’s the best for both of us.” — AFishInATank
- “Early in our relationship, 90% of our fights occurred in the bedroom. I like to sleep in a cold room with the fan on and white noise like a box fan. I also like to go to sleep with the TV on. She likes to sleep in a warm, still, cave in complete silence and darkness. We started sleeping in separate rooms and all of a sudden 90% of our fights stopped. Also, because we were getting real sleep, other fights turned more into heated discussions.” — ttc8420
What are your sleeping arrangements with your partner? Do you believe sleeping in different beds can help a relationship thrive?
My Dog Grew Unusually Attached to My Wife – The Reason I Discovered Led to Our Divorce
When my wife fell ill, our loyal Labrador became her constant guardian, never leaving her side. Even after she recovered, his clinginess escalated. Concerned and puzzled, we sought answers, only to uncover a shocking revelation that shattered our marriage and changed our lives forever.
I never thought I’d be sitting on my front porch, staring at a sunset while struggling to come to terms with the breakdown of my marriage.
Life has funny way of throwing curveballs, and today, I was squarely in the path of one such pitch.
It all started a few weeks back. Alicia, my wife, had always been the nurturing type. She had a knack for making our house feel like a home, filled with warmth and love.
Then she was struck down by a nasty stomach bug. It came out of nowhere and knocked her off her feet, leaving her exhausted.
Rocky, our three-year-old Labrador, became her shadow during those days. He refused to leave her side, even when I tried to coax him away with his favorite toy.
After Alicia recovered, Rocky’s behavior didn’t revert to normal. If anything, it intensified. He’d whine and scratch at the door if Alicia so much as stepped out of his sight. It was sweet at first, until he became aggressive.
One day, Alicia took him for a walk through our neighborhood. The Thompson kids were playing out front with their terrier, a common sight.
Usually, Rocky would’ve ignored the commotion, but not this time.
The terrier spotted Rocky and ran up to him. Rocky tensed immediately, and when the terrier was about a yard away, he bared his teeth and snarled at him.
“Rocky, what the heck?” Alicia said, tightening her grip on his lead.
He continued to snarl and snap at the terrier until the kids called their dog away. This sort of behavior was completely out of character for Rocky, and it set off alarms in my head.
“James, what’s wrong with Rocky?” Alicia asked me one morning, her voice tinged with worry as Rocky pressed himself against her legs.
“I’m not sure, but he’s definitely not himself,” I replied, frowning. “Maybe we should take him to the vet. Just to be safe.”
The vet visit was supposed to put our minds at ease, but it did anything but. As we sat in the waiting room with Rocky nestled at Alicia’s feet, a woman with a poodle struck up a conversation.
“Your dog is very attached to your wife,” she noted after we’d explained his recent odd behavior. “My poodle here used to do the same thing when I was pregnant. Dogs can sense these things, you know.”
Alicia and I exchanged a look. It was a fleeting moment of shared surprise, quickly followed by a rush of excitement. Could it be possible?
That evening, we decided to take a pregnancy test.
The anticipation was palpable as we waited for the result. When the little plus sign appeared, Alicia’s eyes filled with tears of joy. I pulled her into a hug, feeling a mix of elation and disbelief.
“We’re going to have a baby, James!” she whispered, her voice trembling with happiness.
I held her tight, the gravity of the moment sinking in. But as the days passed, a gnawing suspicion began to eat at me.
We had been careful, using contraceptives diligently. And with the stress of her illness, our intimacy had taken a backseat. The timing just didn’t add up.
One night, as we lay in bed, I couldn’t keep it inside any longer.
“Alicia, there’s something I need to ask,” I began, my voice heavy with hesitation.
She turned to me, her eyes soft and curious. “What is it, James?”
“I know this sounds crazy, but I need to know for sure. Can we do a paternity test?”
The look of hurt that flashed across her face was like a dagger to my heart.
“James, how could you even suggest that?” she snapped, her voice rising. “You think I’d cheat on you?”
“It’s not about that,” I tried to explain, my tone pleading. “I just need to be certain. For my own peace of mind. To be the best husband and father I can be.”
Her anger morphed into sorrow, tears streaming down her cheeks. “How can you doubt me like this?”
“I don’t want to doubt you,” I said, feeling my own eyes burn. “But I need to be sure. Please, Alicia.”
The silence that followed was deafening. She finally nodded, her shoulders slumping in defeat. “Fine. If that’s what you need.”
As the days went by, waiting for the test results was torture. Each moment stretched on endlessly, filled with an oppressive weight that seemed to crush my spirit a little more each day.
When the envelope finally arrived, I could barely bring myself to open it.
Alicia sat across from me, her face a mask of anxiety and hope. Rocky lay at my feet, his head resting on his paws, sensing the tension in the room.
“Are you ready?” I asked, my voice barely a whisper.
Alicia nodded, tears already glistening in her eyes. With trembling hands, I tore open the envelope and pulled out the results.
The words blurred before my eyes, but one line stood out in stark clarity: “Probability of paternity: 0%.”
For a moment, the world stopped. I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think. Alicia’s gasp brought me back to reality. She reached for the paper, her hands shaking as she read the result.
“No… this can’t be right,” she sobbed. “It has to be a mistake.”
“We’ll do it again,” I said, my voice hollow. “We have to be sure.”
We repeated the test twice more, each time clinging to a sliver of hope that the first result had been wrong. But each time, the answer was the same.
Alicia wasn’t carrying my child. I finally confronted her about it, and she confessed that she’d had an affair. The news hit me like a sledgehammer, shattering the fragile remnants of my trust.
“James, please,” Alicia pleaded, tears streaming down her face. “It was a one-time mistake. I swear it meant nothing. Please, don’t leave me.”
I looked at her, the woman I had loved and trusted with my whole heart, and felt a deep, aching sorrow.
“Alicia, I can’t do this,” I said, my voice breaking. “I can’t stay with someone who broke my trust like this.”
“Please, James,” she begged, her voice choked with sobs. “We can get through this. I love you.”
“I love you too,” I admitted, feeling the sting of those words. “But love isn’t enough without trust. I can’t pretend this didn’t happen.”
The decision to file for divorce was the hardest thing I’d ever done. We agreed to split everything fairly, but when it came to Rocky, Alicia broke down.
“I can’t take care of him alone,” she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. “I’m so sorry, James. I just can’t do it.”
Rocky looked up at me, his soulful eyes filled with understanding. He had been my rock through this whole ordeal, sensing the truth before any of us. I couldn’t imagine leaving him behind.
“It’s okay,” I said. “I’ll take Rocky with me.”
Packing up my things and leaving the home we had built together felt like a nightmare.
But I also felt a strange sense of relief. It was time to start over, to rebuild my life from the ground up.
One afternoon, Rocky and I headed to our favorite park. I threw the ball, and Rocky bounded after it with his usual enthusiasm. But instead of bringing it back to me, he trotted over to a woman sitting on the grass with the ball clutched in his mouth.
“Well, hello there,” the woman said, laughing as Rocky dropped the ball at her feet. She had bright, friendly eyes and an infectious smile.
“Sorry about that,” I said, walking over. “He usually returns the ball to me.”
“No problem at all,” she replied, giving Rocky a pat on the head. “He’s adorable. I’m Courtney, by the way.”
“James,” I introduced myself, feeling an unexpected warmth in her presence. “This is Rocky. He seems to like you.”
“Well, I like him too,” Courtney said, her smile widening. “You have a great dog.”
We chatted for a while, and I found myself enjoying the conversation more than I had anticipated.
Courtney had a lightness about her, a genuine kindness that made me feel at ease. As the evening drew to a close, we exchanged numbers, promising to meet up again.
That is how I ended up here on the porch, reflecting on how far I’ve come.
Alicia’s betrayal left deep scars, but I was beginning to see a path forward.
With Rocky by my side and new possibilities on the horizon, I felt a glimmer of hope. Maybe, just maybe, the future held something good after all.
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