According to a survey, only 14% of couples sleep in separate beds every night. And while many of us might believe in the saying “couples who sleep apart grow apart” there are studies that show the opposite is actually true.
We at Bright Side believe that there are no wrong or right sleep arrangements, because to some, sleeping in different beds can be as pleasing as for others sharing a bed with their partner.
A poor night’s sleep can turn lovers into fighters.
According to research, sharing a bed with a partner that has restless sleep behavior can deprive you of 49 minutes of sleep each night. And, when one partner doesn’t get a proper night’s sleep because of the other, it will most likely result in a conflict between them the next day.
Actually, the study even confirmed that couples who tend to have a poor night’s sleep have more severe and more frequent fights than those who wake up well-rested. People who get a good night’s sleep, on the other hand, are more likely to be in a good mood, have lower stress levels, and be more patient.
Resenting your partner because you can’t get a good night’s sleep can be destructive to the relationship.
Snoring, fidgeting, and bed or blanket hogging are just a few of many reasons why some couples choose to sleep in different beds or even in different bedrooms. Lying awake listening to your partner snoring while you beat yourself up to fall asleep can lead to a build-up of anger, tension, and resentment toward your partner.
According to Jennifer Adams, author of Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart, sleeping in a separate bedroom can even help a relationship thrive because both partners are not sleep deprived.
Each partner can tailor their sleeping conditions to their heart’s content.
Tina Cooper, a licensed social worker, sleeps in different bedrooms with her partner because of their opposite sleeping habits. “I’m a night owl, he’s an early bird. I need soothing sounds to fall asleep, and he likes silence. He likes a hard mattress, and I like soft and full of pillows. And because I don’t like the early day’s sunlight, my boyfriend gave me the master bedroom which gets less light and he has the second largest room that gets the sunrise he loves.”
How you spend the nighttime in your shared bedroom with your partner can also influence your daytime functioning, marital satisfaction, and psychological and physical health. And when 2 people with different bedtime preferences and nighttime schedules end up together, changing themselves just to please their partner’s needs might harm their relationship in the long run.
Sleeping in different bedrooms with your partner means that the 2 of you will have a place just for yourselves where you can relax after an exhausting day. This way, both of you can satisfy your needs without tiptoeing around and worrying about whether your partner might wake up because you want to watch the latest episode of your show before bed.
Even if you don’t remember waking up, disturbed sleep can have a negative impact on your overall health.
During the night, our brain cycles through the stages of sleep several times: light sleep, deep sleep, and REM (Rapid eye movement sleep). But when you interrupt the cycle by waking up during the night, it means that your brain spends more time in the light sleep stage and misses out on REM. And without sufficient REM your emotional well-being and cognitive performance suffer.
Interrupted sleep can also have short and long-term health consequences, like hypertension, weight-related issues, mental health problems, reduced quality of life, and other health-related issues.
People on Reddit share why they decided to sleep separately with their partner.
- “Because a good night’s sleep is more romantic than sharing a bed. I snore and toss and turn. He gives off literal village levels of heat in his sleep and I can’t stand the heat. I read, he can’t stand light. We keep different hours to an extent. A million reasons. We get along so much better this way.” — crankyweasels
- “My partner and I have completely separate bedrooms. We ’sleepover’ occasionally in each other’s rooms. However, we both sleep exponentially better apart. He’s a night owl and I’m an early bird. He wants only one sheet on him, I want 10 lbs of blankets. In addition, having a separate room allows me to decorate it however I want, have my own personal space, and keep it to the level of cleanliness I prefer. People look at us sideways when I mention the separate rooms thing, but it’s been a game-changer.” — eriasana
- “Different sleep cycles due to different work schedules. We are still madly in love and we both agreed to this because it’s the best for both of us.” — AFishInATank
- “Early in our relationship, 90% of our fights occurred in the bedroom. I like to sleep in a cold room with the fan on and white noise like a box fan. I also like to go to sleep with the TV on. She likes to sleep in a warm, still, cave in complete silence and darkness. We started sleeping in separate rooms and all of a sudden 90% of our fights stopped. Also, because we were getting real sleep, other fights turned more into heated discussions.” — ttc8420
What are your sleeping arrangements with your partner? Do you believe sleeping in different beds can help a relationship thrive?
After three years of trying and failing to get pregnant, we finally bought our first house and decided to adopt a fur baby
The worn, wooden rocking chair creaked rhythmically as I swayed, the rhythmic motion a comforting counterpoint to the storm raging outside. Rain lashed against the windows, mirroring the tempest of emotions swirling within me. Three years. Three long, heartbreaking years of trying. Three years of doctor’s appointments, of whispered hopes and crushing disappointments. Three years of yearning for the pitter-patter of tiny feet and the sound of childish laughter filling our home.
Then, there was Teddy. Our goofy, clumsy Labrador Retriever, a whirlwind of fur and affection that had crashed into our lives like a playful puppy tornado. We had brought him home on a whim, a spur-of-the-moment decision after months of soul-searching. The emptiness in our home felt unbearable, and Teddy, with his boundless energy and unwavering love, had filled it with a joy we hadn’t known existed.
He was a whirlwind of activity, his tail a blur as he chased squirrels, his bark echoing through the neighborhood. He loved nothing more than a good belly rub and a game of fetch, his floppy ears flapping in the wind as he sprinted across the yard. And then, there were the cuddles. Teddy loved to snuggle, especially on cold winter evenings, his massive head resting on my lap, his warm breath a comforting presence.
But it was recently that Teddy’s behavior had taken on a new dimension. He’d become increasingly protective of me, his golden eyes following my every move with an almost uncanny intensity. He’d started spending more time by my side, his head resting on my lap for longer periods, his gentle nudges more frequent. And then, there were the kisses.
It started subtly. A gentle lick on my hand, a playful nudge against my arm. But then, it evolved. He’d seek me out, his tail wagging with a newfound purpose, and carefully, delicately, he’d nudge my belly with his nose, then lick it with a soft, wet tongue. It was the most unexpected, and yet, the most heartwarming gesture. It was as if he knew, somehow, that something magical was happening within me.
And then, it happened. The two blue lines appeared on the pregnancy test, stark against the white background. Tears welled up in my eyes, hot and salty. I was pregnant. After three years of longing, hope had finally returned.
I turned to see Teddy watching me, his head cocked to the side, his golden eyes filled with an unusual intensity. He whined softly, then nudged my belly again, his tongue gently licking the skin. It was as if he was congratulating me, celebrating with me. In that moment, I knew. Teddy wasn’t just our dog; he was our protector, our confidante, our furry guardian angel. He knew before I did, and his joy was palpable.
The weeks that followed were a whirlwind of emotions. Morning sickness, fatigue, and the constant worry about the tiny life growing inside me. But Teddy was always there, a constant source of comfort and companionship. He’d lie beside me, his head on my lap, his presence a soothing balm to my anxieties. He’d follow me everywhere, his eyes glued to my every move, as if anticipating my every need. And every evening, without fail, he’d gently nudge my belly with his nose, as if checking on the progress of the little miracle growing within me.
As the months passed, my belly grew, and so did Teddy’s protective instincts. He’d bark at any sudden noise, his eyes scanning the room with a newfound alertness. He’d nudge anyone who came too close, his low growls a gentle warning. He was already preparing for his role as protector, his love for the unborn child radiating from him like a warm glow.
Finally, the day arrived. The day I met my little miracle. As I held my newborn daughter in my arms, tears streamed down my face. She was perfect, tiny and fragile, yet so strong. I glanced at Teddy, who was watching us with wide, curious eyes. He whined softly, then cautiously approached, sniffing the air with his wet nose.
He hesitated for a moment, then gently nudged my daughter’s hand with his nose. She startled, her tiny fingers twitching. Teddy, sensing her surprise, whined again, then licked her hand gently. My daughter, seemingly sensing his affection, reached out a tiny hand and touched his nose.
In that moment, I knew that Teddy was already smitten. He was no longer just our dog; he was a brother, a protector, a friend. He had welcomed our daughter into our lives with open arms, and his love for her was already overflowing.
As I watched my daughter and Teddy interact, a wave of gratitude washed over me. Teddy, our furry companion, had not only filled our home with joy but had also prepared our hearts for the greatest love of all. He had shown us the meaning of unconditional love, and now, he was sharing that love with the newest member of our family.
Teddy, our goofy, clumsy Labrador, had truly brought magic into our lives. And I knew, with a certainty that settled deep within my soul, that our little family was complete.
Leave a Reply