Ho ho ho! Feeling festive? These Christmas jokes will have you laughing louder than Santa’s belly shake. Warning: excessive cheer, snort-laughing, and spontaneous caroling may occur. Proceed with caution… and cookies!
Jingle all the way to laughter! Grab your eggnog and settle in for some holiday hilarity. These jokes are Santa-approved and guaranteed to make you laugh harder than your uncle after too much Christmas pudding.
Santa Claus laughing in the snow | Source: Midjourney
1. The Christmas Trap
Mike drummed his fingers on his desk, staring at his phone. His wife Janet gave him a knowing wink from across the room, already struggling to contain her laughter. Time for their annual Christmas scheme.
“Hey kiddo,” Mike said after his 20-year-old son picked up in Fairbanks, trying to sound devastated. “I hate to drop this bomb, but… your mother and I are getting divorced.”
“WHAT?” Ryan’s voice cracked so hard that his neighbor’s cat fell off the windowsill. “Dad, you can’t be serious! You just posted those matching Christmas sweater photos!”
A shocked young man holding a phone | Source: Midjourney
“Dead serious. Can’t stand looking at her cookbooks anymore. Three hundred and forty-two sugar cookie recipes is where I draw the line. Call your sister in Sydney. I’m done talking about it.”
Ryan immediately called his sister Ashley, nearly dropping his phone in his panic. “Dad’s lost his mind! They’re getting divorced over a cookbook!”
“OVER MY DEAD BODY AND EVERY CHRISTMAS ORNAMENT I OWN!” Ashley screeched, making her office plants wilt. She speed-dialed home. “Listen here, old man! Don’t you DARE sign anything! Ryan and I are flying home TONIGHT!”
A shocked woman talking on the phone | Source: Midjourney
Mike hung up and high-fived Janet, and both of them doubled over with laughter. “Works every year. Both kids coming home for Christmas. And they’re buying their own tickets!”
Janet wiped tears from her eyes. “Should we tell them this is how we got them to come to Thanksgiving too?”
“Nah,” Mike grinned. “Let’s save that trick for Easter!”
An older man with a wicked grin | Source: Midjourney
2. The Christmas Angel
Eleanor had been working in the Dead Letter Office for five years, but she’d never seen anything quite like this — an envelope addressed simply to “God” in shaky handwriting that looked like it had been written during an earthquake.
Inside was a letter that made her heart squeeze:
“Dear God, I’m Martha, 85 years young and running low on miracles. Some sneaky youngster with unusually fast hands swiped my purse yesterday with my entire month’s pension. $120. I’ve got five dear friends coming for Christmas dinner, and now I can’t even afford a can of cranberry sauce. I know you’re busy with world peace and all, but could you spare a miracle for an old lady with a sweet tooth and empty cupboards? Love, Martha (the one with the crooked garden gnome collection at the end of Maple Street).”
A lady postal services worker reading a letter | Source: Midjourney
Eleanor shared the letter with her coworkers. By lunch, they’d collected $116, raiding coffee funds, lunch money, and that secret candy bar stash everyone pretended not to know about.
A week after Christmas, another letter arrived:
“Dear God, You’re a real peach! That $116 you’d left in my mailbox made for the best Christmas dinner ever! My friends said it was divine intervention. I’d say they’re right! Even my arthritis felt better!
P.S. Some sticky-fingered postal worker must’ve skimmed $4 off the top. Might want to look into that. I hear you’ve got connections with Santa’s naughty list! Love, Martha.”
A cheerful older lady enjoying Christmas dinner with her friends | Source: Midjourney
3. North Pole Chaos
“Code Red! Code Red!” Junior Elf Timothy squeaked into the North Pole intercom, his voice cracking like ice in hot cocoa. “Four senior elves down with candy cane flu! The toy production line looks like a modern art exhibition!”
Santa rubbed his temples, watching the trainee elves turn teddy bears into abstract sculptures. Mrs. Claus chose that perfect moment to chirp, “Honey, Mother’s coming for Christmas! She’s bringing her entire fruitcake collection… even the one that set off the North Pole airport security!”
In the stables, Rudolph was organizing a reindeer union strike, demanding premium carrots and heated stalls. Dancer was in labor (terrible timing), and Prancer had eloped with a local moose named Bruce who promised her a cabin in the woods.
Startled Santa Claus | Source: Midjourney
Santa trudged to load the sleigh, only to hear an ominous CRACK! The floor splintered like thin ice, sending toys scattering everywhere like confetti at a New Year’s party gone wrong.
Stumbling inside for coffee, he found the elves had replaced it with sugar-free hot chocolate with a tag that read: “It’s healthier, Boss!” The milk jug slipped from his hands, shattering into a million pieces that sparkled like evil little stars on the kitchen floor. The cleanup broom looked like it had been through a beaver party. Suddenly, the doorbell buzzed.
DING DONG!
Santa Claus holding a broom | Source: Midjourney
Santa yanked open the door, ready to cancel Christmas entirely. There stood a tiny angel, struggling under a massive Christmas tree that made her look like a sprite with an oversized umbrella.
“Special delivery!” she beamed, twinkling with festive cheer. “Where would you like me to stick it?”
And that’s why Christmas trees have angels on top, sporting slightly alarmed expressions and questioning their career choices.
An angel under a Christmas tree | Source: Midjourney
4. Heavenly Volume
Tommy and Jack were spending Christmas Eve at Grandma Rose’s house, famous for her legendary sugar cookies and selective hearing that rivaled military-grade noise-canceling technology.
At bedtime, Tommy (age 6) knelt beside his bed and began his strategic prayer:
“DEAR GOD, I WOULD REALLY LOVE A NEW XBOX…”
“AND A REMOTE CONTROL DINOSAUR THAT ACTUALLY BREATHES FIRE…”
“AND MAYBE A ROCKET SHIP WITH REAL ROCKET FUEL…”
A little boy praying | Source: Midjourney
Jack (age 8) nudged his brother, rolling his eyes. “Dude, volume control! God’s not streaming on Spotify!”
Tommy shot back with a mischievous grin that would make elves proud. “Yeah, but Grandma is doing her Christmas shopping tomorrow, and her hearing aid’s been acting up since she tried to bluetooth it to her toaster!”
A little boy looking up and laughing | Source: Midjourney
5. The Shopping Surprise
Linda lost track of her husband Dave at the crowded mall during last-minute Christmas shopping. After 20 minutes of searching between the endless sea of panic-buying shoppers, she called his cell.
“Dave, where on earth did you disappear to? The mall closes in an hour!”
“Honey,” his voice softened mysteriously, “remember that fancy jewelry store from our first Christmas together? The one where you fell in love with that stunning sapphire necklace, but we were so broke we could barely afford the window shopping?”
A man talking on the phone | Source: Midjourney
Linda’s heart fluttered, her anger melting faster than a snowman in July. “The one on Fifth Street? Oh my god, Dave… you didn’t…”
“Well,” he paused dramatically, “I’m in the dollar store next door. They’re having a massive sale on gift bags! Three for a dollar! Want me to grab some?”
A woman gaping in shock | Source: Midjourney
6. The Carol Critic
“Hey Emma,” her little brother Charlie called from the doorway, munching on his third candy cane of the morning. “You should totally join the Christmas choir at school! They’re still accepting applications!”
14-year-old Emma stopped practicing her scales, hope blooming in her eyes. “Really? You actually like my singing? After all this time?”
“Nah,” Charlie grinned, revealing red and white striped teeth. “But they only perform once a year, and I already know which day to wear my noise-canceling headphones!”
A stunned teenage girl holding a songbook | Source: Midjourney
7. The Gift Switch
At the office Christmas party, Tom was bragging about the amazing gift he got his wife Sarah, waving his phone around with photos.
“Check it out, man. Diamond earrings! Cost me a fortune, but worth every penny!”
His coworker Steve whistled, sipping his fourth cup of spiked eggnog. “But didn’t Sarah specifically ask for that new SUV? The one she’s been hinting about since last Christmas?”
“She did,” Tom smirked, lowering his voice conspiratorially. “But try finding a fake Ford Explorer that’ll fool your mother-in-law!”
A man holding a pair of earrings and laughing | Source: Midjourney
8. The Budget Tree
“Dad, pleeeease can we get a real Christmas tree this year?” little Jimmy begged for the hundredth time, giving his best puppy dog eyes. “I’m tired of explaining to my friends why our plastic tree smells like a basement and old tennis shoes!”
Frank grabbed his axe and wallet, sighing dramatically while secretly winking at his wife. “Fine. The things I do for Christmas spirit…”
He returned suspiciously quickly with a perfect tree, not a drop of sweat in sight.
A man holding an axe | Source: Midjourney
“That was fast,” Jimmy said, eyeing the pristine axe. “Did you even use it?”
“Nope!” Frank grinned proudly. “But the tree lot guy offered a 75% discount when I started examining the trees with it! Sometimes the best lumberjack is the one who never swings!”
A stunned boy | Source: Midjourney
9. The Biblical Bird
Three brothers — Richie, Steve, and Joe — gathered for their annual post-Christmas brag-fest about their gifts to their 80-year-old mother.
Richie puffed up his chest. “I built her a mansion with an elevator and a meditation room!”
Steve smirked, twirling his car keys. “Amateur. I bought her a Rolls-Royce with a personal chauffeur!”
Joe leaned back, sipping his cocoa. “You guys are so last season. Remember how Mom loves the Bible but can’t see well? I found this amazing parrot that recites the entire Bible on command. Took the church elders twelve years to train him. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse!”
A person in church holding a parrot | Source: Midjourney
Their mother’s thank-you notes arrived the next week:
“Dear Richie: The mansion’s lovely, but I’m too old to remember which of the 7 bathrooms I left my glasses in.
Dear Steve: The car’s beautiful, but my driver keeps falling asleep during my stories.
Dear Joe: The chicken was pretty small but delicious! Especially with the sage stuffing!”
Roasted chicken on the table | Source: Midjourney
10. The Window Shopping Incident
Karen spotted the perfect Christmas party dress sparkling in the store’s window display, guaranteed to make her the talk of the office party.
“Excuse me,” she called to a passing saleswoman. “Could I try on that gorgeous shimmery dress in the window? The one with the sequins?”
The saleswoman clutched her pearls, looking thoroughly scandalized. “Absolutely not, Ma’am! We have perfectly good fitting rooms for that sort of thing. This isn’t that kind of establishment!”
A dress displayed in a store | Source: Midjourney
11. The Santa Hotline
Sophie was driving her mom crazy with constant battles with her teenage sister Madison. The latest war was over borrowed (stolen) Christmas sweaters and who ate the last gingerbread cookie.
Mom had enough. “That’s it! I’m calling Santa!”
She dialed her brother Bob, resident Santa impersonator extraordinaire. Sophie’s eyes grew huge as Mom detailed her crimes against sisterhood, including the Great Hair Dryer Incident of last Tuesday.
“Santa wants a word with you,” Mom handed over the phone, trying not to smirk as her master plan unfolded.
A smiling woman holding a phone | Source: Midjourney
Uncle Bob dropped his voice to subterranean levels. “Sophie, Sophie, Sophie… No presents for girls who torment their sisters. I’m watching! And yes, I saw you hide that cookie under your pillow!”
Sophie nodded solemnly through the lecture, then hung up with a suspicious gleam in her eye.
“Well?” Mom asked, expecting victory. “What did Santa say?”
Sophie shrugged, skipping away. “He said Madison’s getting coal this year. Apparently, she’s the real troublemaker. Also, he said you should check your own cookie stash, Mom!”
A little girl smiling | Source: Midjourney
And there you have it, folks! If these jokes made you laugh, share them faster than your relatives share embarrassing childhood stories at Christmas dinner! Keep spreading the holiday cheer with these 10 More Best Christmas Jokes. Ho ho ho!
Cheerful Santa Claus laughing | Source: Midjourney
My SIL Gave Me a Garden Gnome for My Birthday – Days Later, a Lady Claimed It Was Stolen from Her Garden
My sister-in-law Emily’s birthday gift, an ugly garden gnome, seemed harmless enough. But three days later, a furious stranger showed up at my door, accusing me of stealing and demanding the return of her beloved “Rupert.” What did Emily do?!
I never thought I’d be posting here about a garden gnome that changed my life, but here we are.
It all started on my birthday. I’d been dreading the party for weeks, knowing my sister-in-law, Emily, would find some way to make it about her.
But even worse was that she acted like an idiot who had no idea she was doing anything wrong.
Woman with a silly expression | Source: Pexels
This year, I was determined to have a drama-free celebration. I spent the whole day decorating the backyard, hanging fairy lights, and arranging flowers.
My husband, David, was manning the grill.
As guests started arriving, I was constantly glancing at the gate, waiting for Emily’s grand entrance. She didn’t disappoint.
Two women at a decorated yard | Source: Pexels
Two hours late, she sashayed into the backyard like she owned the place, wearing six-inch heels that sank into the grass with every step.
But it wasn’t her fashionably late arrival that made me frown. It was what she was carrying: the gaudiest, most enormous garden gnome I’d ever seen.
“Happy birthday, Sarah!” Emily trilled, air-kissing my cheeks. “I hope you like your gift. It’s absolutely perfect for your… quaint little garden.”
Woman leaning againts a white fence | Source: Pexels
I stood there, speechless, as she thrust the monstrosity into my arms.
The gnome was at least two feet tall, painted in eye-searing colors, with a crack running down its side. It looked like something that had escaped from a tacky lawn ornament factory.
Did she think I was an old woman?
“Oh, wow,” I managed to stammer. “That’s… quite something, Emily. Thank you.”
A woman with a serious expression | Source: Pexels
Emily beamed, clearly pleased with herself. “I knew you’d love it. Now, where shall we put it? I think it would look fabulous over there by the rose bushes.”
I glanced at the spot she indicated and tried to imagine this eyesore among my carefully tended flowers. No way was that happening.
“Actually,” I said, “I think I’d like to put it in the front yard. That way, everyone can see it when they drive by.”
Home front | Source: Pexels
Emily’s smile tightened. “Oh, but,” she insisted, “I THINK IT WOULD LOOK BETTER IN THE BACKYARD. Don’t you agree, David?”
My husband held up his hands. “It’s Sarah’s gift. Isn’t it? She can put it wherever she likes.”
Emily’s nostrils flared, but she quickly composed herself. “Well, of course. It’s your decision. I just thought it would tie the whole backyard together so nicely.”
Home backyard | Source: Pexels
“Thank you for the suggestion,” I said, “but I’ve made up my mind.”
As Emily stalked off to the refreshment table, I caught David’s eye. He gave me a subtle thumbs-up, and I felt a small surge of pride.
For once, I hadn’t let Emily’s passive-aggressive tactics get the better of me. Yes, I tended to get angry and make a scene at her crazy actions.
Two women at a backyard party | Source: Pexels
The rest of the party passed happily, but I couldn’t help noticing Emily’s occasional glances at the gnome. Is it going to explode or something?
By twilight, the last guest finally left, and I breathed a sigh of relief. For once, Emily hadn’t managed to make everything about her, and we were able to host a normal party.
The next morning, I lugged the gnome out to the front yard. Despite its garish appearance, I had to admit it had a certain charm.
A garden gnome | Source: Pexels
I positioned it near the mailbox and went back inside.
For the next few days, I actually grew fond of the gnome. I even found myself smiling at it as I collected the mail or watered the front flowerbeds.
But on the third day after my birthday, everything changed.
I was just settling down with a cup of afternoon coffee when an aggressive knock startled me. Frowning, I went to answer the door.
A woman on a couch drinking coffee and using a laptop | Source: Pexels
A woman I’d never seen before stood on my porch, and she was red-faced and fuming.
“Can I help you?” I asked, confused.
The woman jabbed a finger at me. “YOU’RE A THIEF!” she shouted. “YOU STOLE THAT GNOME FROM MY YARD! IT’S MINE, IT EVEN HAS A CRACK ON IT! I CAN SHOW YOU A PHOTO TO PROVE IT!”
An older woman pointing her finger in accusation | Source: Midjourney
I WAS MORTIFIED. What had Emily done?!
“I… what? No, I didn’t steal anything! That gnome was a birthday gift from my sister-in-law.”
The woman’s eyes narrowed. “Oh sure! I want it back, now, or I’m calling the police!”
My face burned. “Please, there’s been some kind of misunderstanding. Let me call my sister-in-law. She can explain where she got it.”
A shocked woman | Source: Pexels
With trembling, angry fingers, I dialed Emily’s number. “Emily? It’s Sarah. I need you to come over right away. Don’t ask why, just please hurry.”
Twenty maddening minutes later, Emily’s car pulled into the driveway. When she saw the woman, SHE IMMEDIATELY turned pale. The look on her face told me everything I needed to know.
“Emily,” I said, trying to restrain my anger, “this woman says the gnome you gave me was stolen from her yard. Care to explain?”
“I… I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Emily stuttered. “I bought that gnome fair and square.”
A woman with her arms crossed | Source: Pexels
The woman snorted. “Oh really? Then you won’t mind showing us the receipt, or do you want me to call the police?”
Emily’s eyes widened. “Okay, fine!” she said, raising her hands in surrender. “I… I didn’t exactly buy it from a store.”
“Then where did you get it, Emily?” I said through tight lips. I was barely holding it together.
“Fine!” Emily threw her arms in the air. “That day, I was almost here when I remembered that I didn’t buy you anything. I saw the garden gnome in her yard. They had a tall fence, though. Then, some homeless man passed by, so I paid him $20 to get it for me…”
A house with a blue fence | Source: Pexels
A heavy silence fell over my porch.
I closed my eyes. This was so like her!
“… and I drove off quickly when I saw her coming out of the house,” Emily continued sheepishly.
My sister-in-law was insane… and stupid.
I didn’t know what to say.
A woman with a curious expression | Source: Pexels
But suddenly, the woman who’d come looking for her gnome burst out laughing. “Well, I’ll be damned,” she chuckled. “I never thought anyone would try to steal Rupert!”
Her laughter broke the tension. I giggled a bit and asked, “Rupert?”
The woman nodded, still grinning. “That’s what I call him. He’s been in my family for years, and everyone says he’s ugly. I was heartbroken when he disappeared the other day.”
An old garden gnome | Source: Midjourney
“I’m so sorry,” Emily said. “I never meant to cause any trouble. I just wanted to give Sarah a nice gift because she has a pretty garden.”
I turned to my sister-in-law with surprised eyes. Maybe this was a turning point for us.
“Oh, Emily,” I sighed.
The woman finally introduced herself as Miriam, and I invited her inside for an hour of tea, chatting, and laughing about my sister-in-law’s gnome stealing.
A woman drinking tea | Source: Pexels
David arrived home and couldn’t believe what had happened. He also apologized to Miriam for the stolen gnome, and a few hours later, he loaded Rupert into her car.
When the lady drove away, I turned to Emily.
“You know,” I commented, “weirdly, this might be the best birthday gift you’ve ever given me.”
“Honestly?” Emily asked.
A blonde woman smiling | Source: Pexels
“Yes, it showed me that you wanted to do something nice,” I answered. “You go about life, acting in a rather selfish way. You make things about yourself and mess up often, but this time, you thought about me and what I liked, and tried to give me something I would like, too.”
“I really did!” she nodded eagerly. “The gnome was cute!”
“Yes, it was,” I acknowledged. “But maybe, next time, don’t steal from other people. You could’ve just come by without a gift.”
A gift with a bow | Source: Pexels
Emily nodded, biting her lip.
“This was also one of the first events where I didn’t explode on you,” I continued, shrugging. “You’ve made me so mad before, but I realize now that it’s just you. You don’t mean any harm. You’re just a little misguided sometimes.”
Emily’s eyes shined on me, surprised, as if this was the first time anyone had ever seen her, the real her. “Thank you, Sarah,” she swallowed. “No one ever understands me. Everyone always thinks I do things because I want attention.”
“It seems that way often.”
A smiling woman | Source: Pexels
“I know,” she nodded. “I want to work on that.”
So, I clapped my hands. “Okay. Let’s start at the beginning. A clean slate from now on.”
Her eyes watered and she jumped into my arms. “Sister!”
My eyes almost watered, too.
“Alright, guys,” David interrupted us, smiling. “That was fun. Emily, do you want to stay for dinner?”
A smiling man on a front yard | Source: Pexels
“Yes!” she said, letting me go.
As we walked back into the house, I knew our family had changed… for the better… all because of a gnome.
Cheers to Rupert! Oh, and Emily bought another one from a REAL store that was much cuter. I named him, Rupert Jr.
A garden gnome | Source: Midjourney
This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters, and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided “as is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.
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