A lot of big, tragic and important things have happened to this wonderful country of ours since April 2014. None of which I have covered. I was too busy writing about hungover parenting, ancient philosophy and my dog Colin.
Out of the 536 columns I have written, 27 were about that guy. Far too few. He is such a good boy, he deserves an article a week.
Today is the end of an era for me, and whenever these final events pop up in our lives, we can’t help but think about the ultimate end.
Everything we do, we will one day do for the last time. That’s why you have to enjoy things while they are around. It’s not just big events like leaving a job, house or loved one either. Whatever moment you happen to be in now, you will never get it back, and you don’t know how many more you have.
Everything we do in life, from eating pizza to spending time with the people we love, to driving, writing, drinking or breathing, we will one day experience for the final time. It might happen tomorrow. This can be either a depressing or an inspiring thought, depending on how you look at it.
A few years back in this column, I interviewed professor of philosophy William B Irvine, of Wright State University, Ohio, on this very topic. He put it this way on a Zoom call: “Recognition of the impermanence of everything in life can invest the things we do with a significance and intensity that would otherwise be absent. The only way we can be truly alive is if we make it our business periodically to entertain thoughts of the end.”
Today’s column is very meaningful to me because it is my last. Like the last night with a lover before she goes overseas. And just like a lover, there have been some half-arsed efforts put in from me over the years. Last week, for example, I spent 750 words moaning about how bad my cricket team is. But the truth is that any of my columns could have been the final. If I had reminded myself every week for the past 10 years that the end is inevitable, I may have been more grateful for having a column and appreciated writing them all as much as I am this one.
While everything we do could have more meaning with a focus on finitude, some things are inherently more worthwhile than others. There is no doubt my column “The pros and cons of wearing Speedos” from November 2022 was less meaningful than most things in this world. That was a waste of everyone’s time. So, if we only have so much time, how do we pick the best things to do?
Well, Oliver Burkeman, the author of Four Thousand Weeks – Time Management For Mortals, suggested this to me in a 2022 column: “Ask yourself, does this choice enlarge me? You usually know on some unspoken level if it does. That’s a good way to distinguish between options.”
With that in mind, I don’t feel great about my 2018 article on “New Zealand’s best hole”. That didn’t enlarge anyone.
There will be people reading this column right now who have loved my writing in the Herald and are sad to see it end. Others will have hated it and are glad to see me go. Many won’t have any opinion at all. But for those in the first camp, I have good news. I have a book coming out on May 28 called A Life Less Punishing – 13 Ways To Love The Life You Got (Allen and Unwin Book Publishers). It’s a deep dive into the history, philosophy and science of not wasting our time lost in anger, loneliness, humiliation, stress, fear, boredom and all the other ways we find to not enjoy perfectly good lives. It’s available for pre-order right now (google it if you’re interested).
A Life Less Punishing took me two years to write and is equivalent in words to 100 of these columns. Which would be a complete nightmare for those in the hate camp, but as I say, great news for those who want more.
Anyway, thanks to the Herald for having me, thanks to the lovely people who make an effort to say nice things to me about my column nearly every day and thanks to the universe for every single second we get.
Bless!
My Husband Wants a Divorce, but Demands That We Keep Living Together – And That’s Not Even the Craziest Part
I thought I knew my husband until he left me shocked and numb by throwing a major twist into our relationship. It was something I never anticipated but to add salt to the wound, he envisioned himself coming out the winner after breaking MY heart! I was having none of it!
Hey everyone, my name is Tanya, 34, and boy do I have a tale to tell! So basically, after being married for a decade, my husband, Alex, 35, suddenly surprised me when he told me he wanted a divorce! Okay, I am getting ahead of myself, I’m just so upset!
*Takes a deep breath*
Alright, let me tell you how this whole divorce thing came about and why my formerly loving husband now wanted to discard me.
Walking into our house that day, I was met with a sight that chilled me to the bone. There was some girl in the kitchen preparing a meal, and she was wearing my favorite pajamas—the ones with the quirky cats dancing across the fabric.
My husband is sprawled on the couch looking quite comfortable for someone who has a random woman in our home. I’m LIVID, all ready to make a scene, but then she turns around, and I just GASP… the woman is my sister, Clara, 38!
The air was thick with an unspoken tension that immediately put me on edge. “Clara, why are you here? And why in the world are you wearing my clothes?” My voice was a mix of bewilderment and rising irritation.
I was honestly shocked to see her there looking so comfortable in my home and thought maybe she got kicked out of her apartment or something and needed our assistance for a while.
Her response, delivered with a smirk that could curdle milk, sent shockwaves through me. “Oh, darling, I’m moving in. Didn’t Alex tell you?” Her casual dismissal of my feelings was a slap in the face, but the real blow came when Alex got up and wrapped his arms around her, their lips meeting in a kiss that was anything but brotherly!!!
My heart stopped, and for a moment, I couldn’t breathe. I was SHOCKED and felt dizzy! “You guys can’t be serious,” I gasped, my voice barely above a whisper. I felt a ringing in my ears as if an explosion had gone off as I put two and two together:
“My husband is dating MY SISTER!?”
“I haven’t been happy in our marriage for years, Tanya. And to be honest, I’d like to focus my attention on my career,” my cheating husband informed me. I figured my sister was in on his plan because she’d always been jealous of my life and relationship.
See Clara had always been our parents’ favorite and “angelic” child who could do no wrong, but as the years went by, they started seeing how she hid behind excuses and me to get out of taking any accountability for her life. “When are you getting a job Cla?” our parents would ask.
“You need to be more like your younger sister, find your way in life,” they’d say.
She resented that comparison because it meant she wasn’t their “good girl” anymore who just had to breathe to be celebrated. I only dated about two guys before meeting Alex, while Clara went through men like a toddler going through candy!
“Why do you always have to act perfect?” she’d taunt me when our parents came down hard on her. “I am not ‘perfect’ Clara, I am just trying my best. Have you ever considered doing that perhaps?” I’d challenge her. But I had no idea how far she’d go to be the shining star in the family, even if it meant taking something that wasn’t hers to take!
Andy’s confessions could fill a telenovela season as he spills about a decade-long affair, even trying to woo Jean right before her wedding. The audacity! It’s a rollercoaster of emotions, but his wife emerges not as a damsel in distress but a warrior, taking no prisoners and starting anew, with the measuring cup that uncovered the betrayal as a symbol of her newfound strength.
This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided “as is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.
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